Picture Present

Formula for being an idiot: 1 part ego + 2 parts assumptions + a pinch of narcissism It was almost the end of a week long cruise. I had performed several times aboard the ship. Virtually every passenger recognized me as ‘the comedian’. Seated on deck in front of a shop in Ketchikan, Alaska I was … More Picture Present

Tolerate Horror

I don’t think everyone knows what ‘tolerate’ means. Tolerance is allowing morons to live freely among us. Intolerance is telling me I can’t call a moron, ‘a moron’. There’s a difference between tolerance and acquiescence. …I will tolerate you not knowing what acquiesce means. …I acquiesce that many of you won’t bother to look it up. … More Tolerate Horror

Pocket Privilege

I don’t want to take blessings for granted. So I appreciate articles like this one. Like so many of my people, I’ve overlooked this prerogative. Something that I’ve enjoyed my entire life, without even thinking about it. The freedom to put my hands in my pockets …anytime …anyplace. A direct quote from the article: “I … More Pocket Privilege

Be Ye Nice

The most often overlooked commandment in the Bible is this: “In every circumstance, be ye nice”. To my shame, I regularly forget this law. Thankfully, there are people everywhere who remind me. “You’re not being very Christ-like.” “Jesus wouldn’t say that.” So helpful! After years of reading scripture, I still don’t know exactly what Jesus would say. But … More Be Ye Nice

Ball Recall

Recently got a letter that probably saved my life. Thanks to the efforts of some governmental agency, Buckyballs are no longer available for sale. What are Buckyballs? They are little, round magnets. They can be stuck together into interesting shapes. And… they’re the most lethal, metal objects invented since the Guillotine. Here is what the government … More Ball Recall

Dead Headlines

  Once upon a time there were creatures called ‘Journalists’. At the top of their stories, journalists wrote ‘headlines’. Which hinted at what the story was about. Then the internet came along. Now, headlines don’t summarize stories at all. Instead, they are written to pique curiosity. Journalists won’t tell me what the article is about because I … More Dead Headlines

Hot Cars

It’s on the news almost every day. And unless news sources are just interested in sensationalism and shock value to get ratings and sell advertising It must be true! People don’t know that children shouldn’t be locked in a hot car! Headlines are glutted with this important, parental message. So there isn’t room for other … More Hot Cars