It’s time someone had the guts to say what everyone is thinking. Catholics suck! Always telling everyone how to behave. Young people won’t tolerate those outdated prescripts. Right, young people? (A prescript is like, you know, a rule or something…) Now, AM I RIGHT, YOUNG PEOPLE? The only thing this generation of humans has in common with their … More Breaking Rules Rules!
Father knows best. Ha! Ha! Just kidding! Father knows nothing. Mother knows a bit more. But the wisest among us are surely the children. Babies know whether they’re boys or girls, …or something else. No matter what the doctor wrote on the birth certificate. A medical degree doesn’t make one an authority on gender. Kids know best. … More Sense Extinction
I’ve never seen a live unicorn. Not saying they don’t exist. Relax, Bronies. I’ve just never seen one. Never seen a three year old child with low self esteem. Not saying they don’t exist. Wait. Yes, I am. Someone posted a picture of a three year old girl with a caption underneath that read: “At three, … More For Love of Unicorns
I tried to solve the Rubik’s Cube years ago. Persistence payed off. I solved it. It took hours of concentration …turning the cube over in my hands …studying the the colored squares …gently peeling the stickers off …reapplying them in perfect alignment I’ll admit my solution was a hollow victory. But the invention of a … More Solving Rubik
If you’re worried about what I might say on stage, …don’t let me go on stage. Seriously. Hire a quartet. Or a motivational speaker. Or better yet …a mime. But don’t have a trusted source refer me …then visit my website …then read dozens of glowing reviews …then watch sample clips …then talk to my booking … More I Need More Info
Because it always appears with a table of contents …and a cover …I forget the Bible isn’t one book. It’s lots of little, independent books. Making fantastic claims. Crazy stuff like, “Jesus rose from the dead.” Outrageous! If I found an ancient story about a man rising from the grave, I’d dismiss it as folklore. If I found the … More Four Stories
Worthless. A layer of foam on my face doesn’t reduce razor friction. Most shaving cream is this. Worthless foam layer. By shave’s end, There’s a tiny, froth-covered murder scene on my chin. I’ll use foam when nothing else is available. That is to say, I can tolerate it. But shave oil works better. Skeptics, give it a … More Accept This!
It’s time to surrender white wedding dresses. White once signified virginal purity. A bride in white was a vessel of vestal innocence. This antiquated idea desperately needs modernization. Modern brides walk down the aisle in their 3rd trimester of pregnancy. They have their daughters serve as flower girls. Their sons are ring bearers… …or groomsmen. … More Virgin Colors
“I don’t want to hurt your feelings,” “but your fly is open.” Thanks. “Sorry!” For what? “For embarrassing you.” Think I’d feel worse if I ran around all day …with my fly open. “I just hate being critical.” Sure, I understand. “You have so many good qualities.” “I try not to focus on negative things.” Like my underwear … More Humiliating Truth